Everything Before the But

How many times have you heard (or maybe spoken) a phrase that went something like this....

     I'm not a person who holds a grudge, but.....

     I believe that everyone should get a second chance, but .....

     I know that we can't lump everyone together, but...

We are making a point and feel bad about making generalizations.  The generalizations reveal our prejudices.  And they may not be racial prejudices.  It could be feelings about the people in the next town or people in a different economic class than us.  (Sure there are some rich people who don't let it go to their head, BUT most think that they are better than us.) (There are some people who really need public assistance, BUT most could get a job if they wanted to.)

I have heard it said that everything before the BUT is a lie.  I'm not sure that I believe that, BUT it seems that our true opinions are reflected in the second half.

The problem with the BUT is that it gets in the way of our being honest with ourselves.  We see ourselves for something that we are not.  If we are truly going to love our neighbors, we need to acknowledge that our prejudices exist and work through them.  We can't pretend that we are the ones who have none.

I think that a good start is that anytime that we are making a but statement, we need to try to turn it around.  

     Instead of saying "I am not someone who holds a grudge, BUT what they did is unforgivable"  We should say "What they did is unforgivable, BUT I am not someone who holds a grudge."

   Instead of saying "I believe that everyone should get a second chance, BUT this is just too much." We should say, "They have made this mistake before, BUT I believe that everyone deserves a second chance." 

I think by turning around the statement we focus more on the exception than the rule.  We see individuals more than groups.  We see how people can overcome their circumstances, not be defined by them.

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

Everything that comes before the BUT doesn't count.  In the hymn Amazing Grace we sing:

     I once was lost BUT now I'm found.

     was blind BUT now I see.

In our relationship with God, what comes first doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is what comes next.  I am a sinner BUT now I am forgiven.  God knows what part of the statement belongs after the BUT and we should too.

Uncommon Courtesy

There has been a lot of buzz lately about race.  It seems like there always is.  Between that woman in Washington who was pretending to be a different race, to the shootings in South Carolina, to the ongoing debate about displaying the confederate flag; the subject of race in American society is a wound that never heals.  When we elected a black president, there were those who spoke as if the problems of race were behind us.  That was, of course, ridiculous.  In 2 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh.  Racism is America's thorn.

Over the years, I have come to the opinion that I really know nothing about racism in America.  I am a middle-aged, middle-class white man.  Our society is pretty much formatted to work out for me.  I can't say that I knowingly have prejudice against those of other races or cultures, but it honestly comes up so infrequently, who knows.  I do think that we need to do a better job of listening to the opinions of others.  Courtesy, manners, respect, these things cost us nothing and can go a long way.

I think that we need to acknowledge how little our opinions count in some of these issues.  When a rich white guy is telling Native Americans that the name "Redskins" isn't offensive, he's wrong.  When white politicians in South Carolina tell black people that flying the Confederate flag and naming things after Civil War generals isn't offensive, they're wrong.  We don't get to decide what offends our neighbors.  Good manners involves making those around you feel at ease.  If they find it offensive, and you know it, you should go out of your way not to do it.  That is what courtesy is all about.

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

In the Parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus  tells us that we need to rise above our prejudices and help those around us.  We are called to love our neighbors, even when our neighbors look different, speak different and have different values than our own.  After all Jesus died for them too.

Choosing the Right Neighbors

There is a poem about hedging your bets that starts, "Always trust you fellow man and always cut the cards."  I first read it in the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten  by Robert Fulghum.  It is reprinted here if you are interested in reading it.   One line in the poem goes, "Always love thy neighbor.  And always pick a good neighborhood to live in."  Loving thy neighbor is easy when your neighbors are easy to love.

They say that the three most important things to consider in real estate are location, location, location.  When picking a place to live the surroundings are at least as important as the dwelling itself.  How close are the houses to each other?  What school district?  How often are the police called?  

Some people live in gated communities.  There is a fence around the whole thing and a guard out front sending away those who do not belong.  Other communities don't have a physical gate but only certain types of people live there and the "wrong type" of visitor may be stopped and asked ther business.  In small towns the "gate" comes from the fact that you know the people around you and strangers have a tendency to stick out.  I remember when we were house shopping and we were driving out to look at a house that was listed.  We were on a dirt road a ways back, and a man walks out to the road and stops us.  He asked if he could help us (evidently people didn't come down this road very often).  He was friendly and helped us figure out where the house was.  It seems that we had found the gatehouse for that community.

I think there are a lot of problems that don't get solved because people have an attitude that says, "It's not my problem, It's their problem."  There are a lot of problems that are fixable when we all pitch in.  There was a big storm yesterday.  Down the road there were large tents set up for an Amish wedding going on today.  The tents didn't fare well.  They were blown over and tables and chairs and plates were all scattered. The neighbors dropped everything and ran to help and by suppertime, things were back together.  We need to have that same attitude of working together in all of our relations.

Loving thy neighbor is easy when your neighbor is easy to love.  Loving they neighbor is easier when your neighbor is like you.  But (and there is always a but) God calls us to love our neighbor when it isn't easy.  If we define who our neighbor is in very broad terms, then our calling is different.  In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus teaches that our neighbor is anyone around us who has a need, whether or not they look like us.

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

"Always love thy neighbor.  And always pick a good neighborhood to live in."  It is probably prudent advice for buying real estate, but God calls us for more.  We need to be watchful for those who have needs and see their problems as our problems.  That's what being neighborly is all about.

Being Neighborly

A neighbor is more than just the people around you.  I went to a large high school in the suburbs of Detroit.  There were 435 people in my graduating class. So there were a lot of people around me that I just never knew.  One day in college, I met a girl in the library.  We were getting along pretty well and discovered that we were both in that graduating class, just never knew each other. It probably had something to do with our last names starting with vastly different letters.  There is more to being neighbors than just being around each other.

Of course being a neighbor is more than knowing each other too.  A friend once described being from a small town with "You don't need to know the person, just their business."  The idea of being a neighbor implies more than knowing who each other is, but rather it involves being there when the neighbor is in need.  

This idea of being a neighbor is what is described in the story of the Good Samaritan.  A person is robbed, beat up and left in a ditch.  People pass by and ignore him. That includes those from his town, the town leaders and priests.  It was the traveler from Samaria, a looked down on people, that stepped up and helped the injured man.

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

Jesus said to love our neighbors as our selves.  Being neighborly is showing love to those around us is such a way that the love of Christ is shown through us. That is what it means to be neighborly.

Selling Yourself Short

As a teacher I am not very good at self promotion.  One of a teacher's roles is to be a promoter of the students and the school.  So there is a natural sense to pull oneself into the background and let the student take the spotlight.  Which makes the end of the year evaluation a little uncomfortable.  I am talking here about my evaluation by the principal, After sitting in on a class, the principal and I go through a long list of traits and score how I am doing.  I find building myself up to be uncomfortable, but there are many things that go on that the principal wouldn't see.  So if I don't tell him, how would he know.

In the world of business, self promotion is part of the game.  Whether you are in business for yourself or working for someone else, at some point you have to say, "I can do that." and put yourself forward.  It isn't just declaring an ability, but saying that you can do it better than others who can also do it.  

A friend once relayed a story to me.  He had a friend that was a petroleum engineer for a large oil company.  At one point he is in a meeting with the top people at this company.  Most of the people in the room made 10 time or even 100 times his salary.  He found himself thinking, what is the difference between them and me?  He thought that he could surely do the job that they were doing.  So how did they end up on that side of the table while he was still on this one.  He realized that the answer was self promotion.  The skill that they had, which he did not, was the ability to sell themselves as having the ability to make a difference in that position and putting themselves there.  He thought that in the corporate world, self promotion is one of the keys to advancement.

 

Christians have a calling that is different than what the world demands for success.  Christians are called to put ourselves in the background and God in the foreground.  When we say that our lives should bring God glory, that means that the achievements in our lives need to help others appreciate God not us.  And to be honest, if self promotion is difficult, selling myself short is even more so. 

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

The idea of the Christian life is to make God look good.  That means that we need to sell our selves short so that the promotion goes to Him.  It is said that if you don't look out for number one, than who will?  Well, God will for starters.  

Not Fitting In

One day when I was in college I was walking across campus with some friends and we passed by a small group of protesters.  They were holding signs and what not.  One of the people in the group had long dreadlocks, tattoos and piercings (this was before tattoos and piercings were as common as today).  Then I noticed that I knew this guy.  We had been is scouts together when we were younger and we had worked together at summer camp.  I actually knew him pretty well.  So I went over to talk to him and catch up.  The friends that I was walking with were a bit surprised that I knew someone "like that".

A few years later, I was traveling in California.  The same friend was living out there in Berkeley. I stopped and stayed with him a couple of days.  The person who was traveling with me was a bit taken back by our host's appearance, but said nothing.  Until we had been there two days, when he comes up to me and says, "You know your friend, he's really all right."  In our society we are quick to judge by outward appearances.  While piercings and tattoos have become more mainstream, we still judge.  In some circles, the lack of tattoos and piercings is probably a social stigma.  I wouldn't be surprised to hear that in Berkeley they were saying about me, "your friend is a bit plain, but he seems all right anyway."

As much as we can be separated by appearance, a larger barrier can be our attitudes and values.  My friend had an appearance that was different, but he was the same person inside.  

I once heard a speaker talk about priority systems of the various social classes.  I personally grew and live in the middle class.  This of course affects the way that I see the world.  According to the speaker, the upper class or über-rich place a high value on status.  If I were to become suddenly wealthy and bought a home in that neighborhood, it would be virtually impossible to break into their society.  In their circles, association with someone "like me" would lower their social standing.  We see the world differently.

 

As Christians we are called to have attitudes that are different than our class or upbringing.  We are called to love our enemies, turn the other cheek, and think of others more than ourselves.  This attitude is different in every social class, but it is the embodiment of the way that Christ lived while here on the Earth.  It is what we are called to be.  We are called to live a life that causes others to think, "That person is a little different."

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

Thinking of others before ourselves is a peculiar way to be in our society.  But that is exactly what we are called to do. 

Connections

There is an odd experience that comes from growing up in the city and moving to a small town.  It is the realization that there is this connectedness that permeated the town.  Everyone is connected to each other in several different ways.  The people that you work with are also neighbors and you go to the same church and you run into them some place.  Oh, and that other person that you know is their brother.  As a transplant, I found myself wishing that I had some type of chart that would show how everyone was connected.  I have lived in this same small town for over 20 years, and I still find myself surprised by relations that I never know existed.

There used to be a tv show called "Connections".  It wasn't about people, but about technology.  It would show how one technological advancement logically led to the next until there was something completely unexpected.  In one episode, they began with the invention of the plow.  This led to improvements in pottery to store the grain, and writing to mark the stored grain and surveying and geometry to mark out plots of land and tools to work the soil and dig canals and reinforce canals and then all of a sudden......pyramids.  Which use all of the skills needed for agriculture in a different way.  Much like relationships in a small town, just because relationships aren't obvious, doesn't mean that they aren't there.

Similar to these other types of connections, Christians first of all share a connection to each other.  There is a certain fellowship of believers.  Even among Christians with different traditions.  and denominations, there is still a recognition that we are all in this together.

There is also a connection that Christians have to the past.  When we read the Bible, we hear the stories of thousands of years of the history of God's people.  And it doesn't seem to matter that my ancestors do not come from Israel, as Christians we automatically seem to connect that history to ourselves.

But there is one more very unique connection that Christians make.  

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

As Christians we make a peculiar connection to God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  This peculiar connection sets us apart from everyone else in a very peculiar way.

Except You and Me

There is this old one liner that goes, "Everyone here is crazy except me and you.  And frankly I'm not sure about you." We always use ourselves as the measuring stick of rational behavior.  Anyone who deviates from the mold that we have made is a bit different.  A friend once was telling me about an argument that he was having with his girlfriend at the time.  She said to him, "Why can't you just be normal?" His response was. "I thought I was normal.  It seems like it's everyone else that has a problem." Maybe we all feel that way a bit.

So the term "normal" seems to be up for interpretation.  When I had a psychology class in college, the professor asked us to define "normal".  We quickly came to definition relating to the behavior that the majority of people would do in a particular circumstance.  Which brought his next question, "If most people would cheat on their taxes, does that make an honest person abnormal"?  So normal isn't that easy.

I live in a small town.  Now I'm not sure if people in every small town feel this way, but in this town it feels like we have an above average number of characters per capita.  I once pointed this out to a friend saying, "Doesn't it seem like there are a lot of odd people living in this town?" He said, "Well, you would know about odd." I'm not sure what he meant by that.

Everyone has something that makes us unique.  So in some ways, being different is the most "normal" thing that anyone can do.  In the book of first Peter, God's people are described as being peculiar.  And in many ways we are.  But peculiar does not just mean odd, though there can be plenty of that.  No, peculiar means special.  Peculiar means set apart from the rest in a special way that makes it important.  If you think about it, you don't out any old ordinary rock into a collection.  You are looking for the one that stands out,

God's people are peculiar.

Watch this clip from Pastor Lowell.

God sets His people apart.  We are set apart to impact this world in a different sort of way.  We are set apart to let Godá love shine through us,  In that case, being a peculiar people isn't so bad after all.