Christian Maturity

Spit wads, fart noises, wet willies, and the like is the kind of humor where a little goes a long way.  Adolescent behavior is tiring enough when it comes out of an adolescent.  It gets really hard to take when it comes from someone who should know better.

 There are stages of Christian maturity as well.  We start out as enthusiastic young Christians and gradually mature and grow.  In spiritual matters like in all areas, some people just never grow up. In this area it's hard to say what growing up looks like.  It really depends on where your walk started. I would say that we expect that as a Christian matures. the fruit of the spirit will be more evident in their life.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

How we speak is one area where we show our Christian maturity.  Gossiping is the equivalent of shooting spiritual spit wads.

Words have power.  How we use that power says a lot about us.  Do we use the power to lift people up or put people down.  That is what really matters.

That Conversation

Have you ever needed to have one of those conversations?  The one that you would like to avoid but you know that you need to have.  How do you bring up an awkward subject?  How do we have a conversation about an awkward topic so that the person hears us and doesn't become defensive?

 

The conversation will be different depending on the topic and the person, but one key in all of it is to show Grace.  Grace is a little hard to define, but try this.  In an argument or a heated conversation have you ever thought of that perfect zinger that will really put them in their place. Sometimes we come up with it only after its over, but we sure know what we should have said.  Grace is the opposite of that.

Grace is about forgiveness and consideration, not right and wrong.  Grace shows that you care more about the person than the issue.  Grace is more about communication and less about winning.
Speaking with grace is not easy, but if what you want is to solve the issue and preserve your relationship, it's really the only way.

That's What I Heard

Urban legends are these tall tails that keep getting recycled and passed around through email or facebook or what ever.

One of my favorites is the story that Pepsi put the pledge of allegiance on a pop can but removed the words "Under God" from it as not to offend unbelievers.  The story goes on to suggest that we not offend Pepsi with our money that also has the word God on it.  The problem is the story isn't true.

So how did the story get started? In 2001, shortly after the 9-11 attacks, Dr Pepper produced a special can that said only "One Nation...Indivisible" with the goal of emphasizing our unity in the crisis. (More Here)

The kicker is that Dr Pepper is made by Coke, not Pepsi.  How do these things get started?  It's like the game of telephone.  One person tells the next, who tells the next and so on.  By the time it gets to the end, it's a whole new story. And there's always that one person in the middle that changes the story on purpose, just to make it more entertaining.  Real gossip is like that too.

We have to consider our sources.  Does this person really know what is going on?  If I hear it twice, did they both get it from the same person and so it is still one source?  Is what is being said even reasonable?  Even if it could be true and the sources are reliable, IS IT ANY OF MY BUSINESS?  That may be the big one right there.  I have two friends that I know in different ways that both come from the same small town.  Once I asked one if they knew the other.  Their response was, it's a small town, you don't always know the people, just their business.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. - Exodus 20:16

I think this is a big deal today.  When we click share, when we forward, we are now the source of the information.  It is now our credibility at stake.  It is our responsibility to be sure it is true.  Somehow it doesn't feel the same but it is.  Most people would say that creating a lie about someone is a bad thing.  Telling information that may or may not be true is no better.

Don't believe everything that you hear and don't repeat it either.

Removing All Doubt

"Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt", - There is some debate over who coined this phrase.  Some give credit to Abraham Lincoln and others credit Mark Twain.  On either case, the sentiment is true.  It repeats the idea expressed in Proverbs 17:28 - Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Some people can speak a lot without saying anything.  Just because it passes through our brain it does not need to come out of our mouth.

It's like using powerpoint.  Have you ever sat through an awful powerpoint presentation?  Page after page is filled with text in a small font and then the speaker insists on reading it to you.  A real snoozer.  It's better to focus on a few important points than to try to include everything.  

When you are trying to communicate an idea, a few well placed words can go farther than an ocean of noise.

You can't really use the shotgun effect when you communicate.  A shotgun sends a spread of pellets hoping that a couple hit the target.  Communicating isn't like that.  You can't spread out a lot of ideas and hope that you get credit for the good ones.

Ultimately the way that we communicate to others is important to our relationships and that's why it's also important to God.

Watch Your Mouth

Have you ever said something and right away regretted it.  Either the comment sounded better in your head or maybe it never went through your brain on the way to your lips.  Some comments are made not because we believe they are true, but only for the impact they get.

There is an old saying that sticks and stones will break my bones but names will not hurt me.  We all know that's not true.  The things that we hear can hurt worse than any stone.

We all know words can lift us up or words can put us down.  We have great power in what we say, but with that great power comes great responsibility.  There are those people who say rude comments regularly.  Their excuse is, "I say what I think.  People can accept me or not."  I think that's too easy.  We don't get  free pass to say I can hurt people and if you don't like it, that's YOUR problem.  I think that we all have a responsibility to each other.

When little kids say bad words it is a common punishment to wash their mouth out with soap.  Let's clean the filth right out.  This of course is usually reserved for cuss words, not mean words.  It's more about the words than the context.  But context does matter.

And so does tone.  How we say things is at least as important as what we say.  I had a speech class once.  One of the lessons of the class is that the burden of communication falls on the communicator.  If you are sending the message it is important that you send it in a way that others will perceive it correctly.  

Ultimately you need to ask yourself if you are the kind of person that cares about other people or if you are indifferent to them.  If you care about people, make sure that your words show it.

We Take Ourselves Too Seriously

There was a semester in collage that things did not go well.  It's a long story, but I ended up taking an incomplete in two classes and finishing them up in the summer that followed.  One of these classes was linear algebra.  The professor had given me his home telephone number* and told me to call him at home when I was ready to take the final exam.  I called him to see if I could meet with him and ask some questions before taking the exam.

I remember his wife answering the telephone.  After I asked for Dr. Slaby, I could hear her in the background with a sarcastic tone saying, "Someone wants to talk with Dr Slaby".  She was teasing him a bit about his doctor title.  It's important to have people in our lives to keep us humble.  A wife fills that role excellently.

Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously.  We can elevate our own importance and wrap it up in pride.  At the same time that we are taking ourselves too seriously we don't take God seriously enough.

So God we need to take more seriously.Have you ever tried to talk with someone who isn't listening?  It is very frustrating.  After a while you want to scream, "I am not talking to myself!!!!!"  Part of taking someone seriously is listening to them.  Hearing what they are saying and heading that advice.   I guess this can be summed by saying that we need to listen to God's advice more than we listen to our own.

And he said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. - Mark 4:24




*Note: Giving a student your home telephone number was not standard operating procedure for a professor.  Dr. Slaby was a special teacher.  He was demanding but exceptionally approachable professor.  In this particular instance he went the extra mile to help me through a tough time.  In writing this post, I googled him to see if he was still at the university, but suspecting he had retired.  I found that he passed away in 2010 and although I haven't spoken to him in 25 years, I am saddened by his passing. 

So Where Were You?

There's one in every crowd.  There is the person who shows up after all the work is done to point out the faults, the problems or just say how they would have done it better.  They weren't there for the planning.  They weren't there for the vision.  They didn't help set the goals.  They didn't look at the budget.  They didn't set the time line.  They certainly didn't get their hands dirty.  They just show up to use their 20-20 hind sight to point out how it could have been done differently (although "better"is implied).  These people can be very infuriating to the builders and the planners.

It probably would be a good idea to remember this when we are critical with God about how he designed the universe.  We imply that things should be different.  We think that things should be fair.  We think that no one should suffer.  We think that everyone should have plenty.  I imagine God gets frustrated with us too.

There is a scene in the movie "Rudy".  He is speaking to a priest who tells him that we pray in our time, but God answers in his own time.  So Rudy asks the priest what more can be done.  The response was that after his years of ministry there were two things that he was sure of, "There is a God and I'm not Him."

There is a God and I'm not Him.  There is a lot in that statement.  I didn't come up with this world, so I can stop complaining, quit pretending that I know better and get on board with God's plan.  

Now that I am thinking about it.  I suppose that when the world doesn't seem to going the way that I think it should, maybe because it is a world that is designed for God's plans an not mine.  Just maybe.

I'm Glad I'm Not Like Them

The vast majority of people consider themselves above average drivers.  Think about it.  About half of the people would be below average drivers, but we don't see it in ourselves do we.  Once in Time magazine I remember reading in an article on road rage that most people can lump all drivers into one of three groups.  First their are the idiots who are the people who drive slower than me.  Second are the maniacs who drive faster than me.  Then there is me.  I'm glad that I don't drive like the idiots and maniacs on the road.  After all, I am an above average driver.

It's a lot easier to see the faults in others than in ourselves isn't it?  And that goes for more than just driving.  It's easy to be critical of temptations that we do not struggle with ourselves.  I'm glad I'm not like that weak-willed person over there.

Pride takes a lot of forms and superiority is one of them.  It is an easy trap to fall into, but if I don't struggle with a particular temptation, it is not because I have iron will and all types of self control.  No.  I know how weak I can be.  God has had mercy on me in this area.  Mercy I in no way deserve.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works,so that no one can boast. - Ephesians 2:8-9

In the Dr. Seuss story of the star bellied sneeches, The sneeches with stars on their bellies act so superior to the plain bellied sneeches.  We need to remember that when we are prideful of these things we are no better than the sneeches.

Who You Know

There is an expression that says, "It's not WHAT you know but WHO you know that's important." The expression is generally used in the context of business and getting ahead.  It says that it is more important to have contacts than abilities if you want to get ahead.

Most of us don't like this idea.  We prefer that the world work as a sort of meritocracy.  Where the people who work the hardest and produce the best work are the ones that get ahead.  We also know that sometimes the world does not work that way.

There is one place however that having a connection pays off for all of us.  When it comes to how we live our lives, our best is simply not good enough.  If we had to get into heaven on a merit basis we would all fall behind.  God doesn't grade on a curve and no one is good enough to make it on there own.

So on that day when I get to look back at my life and see all of the mess ups (and let me tell you, it is an impressive list.)  there will be Jesus on the other side of the velvet rope saying, "It's OK.  He's with me."

Maybe Them - But Not Me

You know those other people have quite a problem.  THEY really need to get their act together.  THEY are taking too many risks, don't spend their money wisely, waste too much time.  When will THEY get their act together?  I sure am thankful that I'm not like THEM.

It's very easy to diagnose the problems in others.  It's much more difficult to see those problems in ourselves.  We can see how others can fall for a temptation and assume that if we were in that same situation it wouldn't affect us.  We tell ourselves the great lie, "I can handle it."  

Many people walk through life with an attitude that says, "It's not that I'm better than them, It's just that they are worse than me."  If we were asked if the same rules that apply to everyone else should also apply to us. we would undoubtedly say, "Of Course".  Sometimes we just don't live that way.  There is a name for this attitude.  It's called PRIDE.

In 2008 the housing bubble burst.  This led to the banking bail outs and the great recession.  In the aftermath there have been all kinds of stories of bankers and mortgage loan officers cutting corners to get people approved for mortgages that they should not have qualified for.  It is easy to look at that mess and ask why they would do such a thing.  But I imagine a corporate environment where cutting the corners is encouraged.  Where the other people do it and nothing goes wrong.  Where the incentive is a lot ( and I mean A LOT) of money.  I wonder if I would be the ONE in that environment to stand up and say NO when so many others did not.  Do I think that I am that much better than them?  Do I think that the temptations that they fell for would not affect me?  Do I think that I would even have seen it as problem at the time?

Pride goes before destruction,  a haughty spirit before a fall. - Proverbs 16:18

My Best Effort

Self-Reliance and Hard Work are good qualities in a person.  If our children grow up to be hard working, self-reliant adults, most of us would be happy with that.

But anything taken to an extreme can be a bad thing. It's like the TV show "Doomsday Preppers".  People preparing for potential disasters is a good thing.  Have water on hand.  Keep some canned goods on the shelf.  Get extra flashlight batteries or even own a generator.  This is all good, but the people featured on this show are spending a considerable amount of money and time and effort to build a bunker to protect from all of the perceived threats.  I suppose for those of us without a bunker, when disaster strikes we will need to work with our neighbors through the problems and trust in God to provide for us, just as humans have done for thousands of years.

I wonder if are all sometimes like the preppers.  We think "I'll take care of this," and we don't think about God's plan in all of this.  We rely on our own efforts in stead of trusting in God's provision.

So somewhere there is a balance between doing nothing for ourselves and trying to do everything for ourselves.  In Luke chapter 10, Jesus sends out his disciples to preach with no provisions except their sandals trusting in God to provide as they had need.  Personally, I don't like to travel without reservations at a nice motel (Hopefully with a pool and breakfast).

Trusting in our own abilities more than God's provision is all about pride, and that pride detours us from His plans and course for our lives.

Open the Gift

Imagine that it's Christmas morning.  You come out in the living room and there is a huge present under the tree.  I mean it is enormous.  You can't hardly see the tree.  Anything could be in this box.  You look at the tag and it is for you.  What could be in the box?  The possibilities are endless.  Maybe there is no box, but only a note saying that your present is sitting outside.

Now that you have this picture, can you imagine NOT opening the present.  NOT checking out the box.  NOT looking to see what is in the driveway?  I can't imagine that either.  After all, the present has your name on it.

Grace is like the present.  It is a magnificent gift; with your name; on it waiting to be opened.  But until it is opened, it cannot be received.  It stays in the box.



Grace can't be earned.  Grace can't be bought.  It's there.  For Anyone.  For Free.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God - Ephesians 2:8

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, - John 1:12